My husband recently left for an underway that will last a few weeks. The day before he left I cried three times for really no reason at all. First, because my son had been whining and screaming for an hour. Second, because my husband told me he needed to go get a haircut. Third, because my husband told me he understood that I wasn't feeling well and about how much he loved me. All silly reasons to cry, right? On the morning I dropped him off, I wiped away a tear as I drove away. A completely normal reaction. But the next morning, I woke up missing my husband something terrible. And I cried. Three times throughout the day, again. I walked around the next few days with a pit in my stomach and a fog over my head.
I've realized that there were many things leading up to this emotional disaster I've been experiencing the past few days. My husband just got back from a long underway earlier this month. My mom flew in two days before he left and flew back the day before he got home. So even though that underway was the same length of time as this one, it went by much quicker because I was enjoying the time I got to spend with my mom after not seeing her for six months. Chris and I got a whole two days together before my nephew got here to spend a week with us. The next weekend, my in-laws came for a jam-packed visit. We spent the entire two and a half weeks we had between underways pleasing other people, and then on the weekend that we were supposed to have with just our little family, we had to have another visitor show up. Not only did Aunt Flow bring the hormones, but cramps that were more painful than I've delt with in months. And then all of a sudden, my husband was gone before I had the time to swallow the fact that he was leaving.
So when I ran into the woman from my bible study at the gym, I immediately walked up to her and asked how she was doing. I thought she might need some support, and also I wanted to know I wasn't alone in my misery. But you know what she said? "It still hasn't hit me yet."
Granted, it may hit her like a ton of bricks a month from now, but that's neither here nor there. The point is that my husband is only gone for a fraction of the time that hers is, and I'm the one crying every day like my world is ending. It made me take a look at myself and change my perspective. I need to look at the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. I get the car everyday to do exactly what I want, and Caden is getting to do all kind of fun things because of it.
I might have to deal with every tantrum and every diaper change.
I might have to lug the dog/toddler down and up the stairs 3/2 times a day.
I might have to take the trash out everytime it gets full, and cook every meal, and wash every dish.
I might have to wake up every time my son cries in the middle of the night and super early in the am.
I might have to help my toddler up the stairs while carrying heavy groceries after every shopping trip.
But I get every kiss and hug that my son wants to give.
I get to kiss every boo-boo and wipe away every tear before having his head lay on my shoulder.
I get to spend quality time with my son every day for weeks. Just the two of us
I get to feel what its like to truly miss someone.
I get to appreciate all of the things that my husband does for our family.
I get to fall in love with my husband all over again once he gets home.