Perspective

Last Thursday, I went to the first meeting of a women's bible study at my church. As we were going around introducing ourselves, one of the women told the group that her husband was leaving that day for a seven month deployment. She also told us that the emotions hadn't hit her or her three year old son just yet. As a fellow navy wife, my heart went out to her. But I could also see that she had a strength that I didn't have.



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My husband recently left for an underway that will last a few weeks. The day before he left I cried three times for really no reason at all. First, because my son had been whining and screaming for an hour. Second, because my husband told me he needed to go get a haircut. Third, because my husband told me he understood that I wasn't feeling well and about how much he loved me. All silly reasons to cry, right? On the morning I dropped him off, I wiped away a tear as I drove away. A completely normal reaction. But the next morning, I woke up missing my husband something terrible. And I cried. Three times throughout the day, again. I walked around the next few days with a pit in my stomach and a fog over my head.

I've realized that there were many things leading up to this emotional disaster I've been experiencing the past few days. My husband just got back from a long underway earlier this month. My mom flew in two days before he left and flew back the day before he got home. So even though that underway was the same length of time as this one, it went by much quicker because I was enjoying the time I got to spend with my mom after not seeing her for six months. Chris and I got a whole two days together before my nephew got here to spend a week with us. The next weekend, my in-laws came for a jam-packed visit. We spent the entire two and a half weeks we had between underways pleasing other people, and then on the weekend that we were supposed to have with just our little family, we had to have another visitor show up. Not only did Aunt Flow bring the hormones, but cramps that were more painful than I've delt with in months. And then all of a sudden, my husband was gone before I had the time to swallow the fact that he was leaving.

So when I ran into the woman from my bible study at the gym, I immediately walked up to her and asked how she was doing. I thought she might need some support, and also I wanted to know I wasn't alone in my misery. But you know what she said? "It still hasn't hit me yet."

Granted, it may hit her like a ton of bricks a month from now, but that's neither here nor there. The point is that my husband is only gone for a fraction of the time that hers is, and I'm the one crying every day like my world is ending. It made me take a look at myself and change my perspective. I need to look at the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. I get the car everyday to do exactly what I want, and Caden is getting to do all kind of fun things because of it.


I might have to deal with every tantrum and every diaper change.
I might have to lug the dog/toddler down and up the stairs 3/2 times a day.
I might have to take the trash out everytime it gets full, and cook every meal, and wash every dish.
I might have to wake up every time my son cries in the middle of the night and super early in the am.
I might have to help my toddler up the stairs while carrying heavy groceries after every shopping trip.

But I get every kiss and hug that my son wants to give.
I get to kiss every boo-boo and wipe away every tear before having his head lay on my shoulder.
I get to spend quality time with my son every day for weeks. Just the two of us
I get to feel what its like to truly miss someone.
I get to appreciate all of the things that my husband does for our family.
I get to fall in love with my husband all over again once he gets home.



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23 monsters

 

 

Today is my husband's twenty third birthday, and guess where he is spending it? Out in the middle of the ocean. In the four years that we have been married, I have only gotten to spend one birthday with him.Of course, we celebrated early, but it still stinks being away from each other on the actual day.



Maybe I should have put "23 days of monster energy for every one of the days we have to be apart."

Happy Birthday Babe, wherever you are!

Currently..

I am currently..

Reading: Besides my finance textbook, I'm slowly reading Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult.
Writing: School takes the cake on this one too. I have a five page report due next Sunday in addition to all the other work I have to do each week.
Listening to: The guy with the weed wacker/ leaf blower that always comes by my apartment during my son's nap time. Every time.
Thinking: Please, don't wake up Caden!
Smelling: Lunch.. Beef and bean burrito with guacamole.
Wishing: The leaf blower would turn around and go the other way. That my house would magically clean itself and my homework would magically get done so that I could take a nap!
Hoping: That I can stay busy but not wear myself out during the next three weeks while my husband is gone.
Wearing: A pink and white zebra print dress that I bought my freshman year for a jungle themed party..
Wanting: My husband to come home and the underway to get cancelled! A girl can wish..
Loving: The vanilla almond cream cheese frosting I made last night for my husband's early birthday cupcakes.
Needing: A nap, followed by caffeine and a pain pill for these darn cramps.

GIF day

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Because it's that time of the month, and because I love Jennifer Lawrence gifs, this sums it all up.

 

My Cities

My hometown is Phoenix, AZ, where it gets to be 120 degrees in the summer and green rarely grows. I ran cross country for six years (practice was at 3pm most of the time), and somehow I never once died of heat exhaustion. Some people complain that there is only one season in Phoenix, but after spending 8 months in super hot weather, I used to freeze my butt off in the winter when it was 60 degrees out. I thought I would always be used to the weather, but once I moved away I realized something: you never want to return to the melting desert once you have a taste of cooler weather.

This isn't Phoenix, its about two hours away in Sedona.. But I didn't think you wanted to stare at dirt.

I've spent the past four years (besides that miserable summer I spent in Phoenix when I was 6 months pregnant) in San Diego, within 20 minutes of the beach. Where we currently live, it rarely, and I mean rarely, gets over 75 degrees. And in the winter, it rarely gets below 68. Perfect weather, year round. We live within 30 minutes of the beach, downtown, at least 5 malls, The San Diego Zoo, Seaworld, Balboa Park, museums, aquariums, Coronado, and Naval Base San Diego.

Our most recent beach trip - my little Cali boy HATED it.

In a few months, we will be calling a new city home.. Murfreesboro, Tennessee! We are so very excited to see what this new city has in store for our family!

My 3 Favorite Blogs

I love reading blogs that either inspire me or that I can relate to. I love these three blogs for those very reasons:

 

1. The Shine Project. Not only do Ashley and I share the same first name, but the same hometown! With her project, she is able to put at-risk teens to work and provide them with scholarships. Purchasing one of the adorable bracelets or t-shirts from the Thread's shop will fund those scholarships (this and this are on my wish list). But the real reason I keep coming back to her blog- I love the perspective she has on the little things in life.

2. Don't Quote the Raven. This girl is witty, sarcastic, and honest. Some of her stories have me actually laughing-out-loud and some have me scrolling through the comments to see all the controversy she has stirred up. When I find myself second guessing the things I am writing because I'm afraid of what people will react, I think of Raven.

    3. The Freckled Fox. Emily's blog and posts always seems so peaceful and calming (I mean, look at that picture). Her blog is full of inspiration- whether its all the amazing hair tutorials she posts, or the fact that she has four young children and just recently competed in a fitness competition. Now that's motivation.

SAHM debate

I don't know why stay-at-home-moms have to be such a hot topic. I don't know how many battles of working moms vs stay at home moms I have heard or read. Any article about either one turns into a battle of right versus wrong, and it is just ridiculous.

I think that a woman's role as a mom is whatever she makes it. When my husband and I were first married, I told him of my desire to be a stay at home mom. I also told him that it didn't seem likely, since I was already a year into college and had plans to have a career. I made sure to get his opinion, since he was just as important to our family as me, and found out that he was supportive either way.

During the summer of 2011, a few months after being diagnosed with endometriosis, my husband and I started trying for a baby. I was working full time as a supervisor at a local sub shop, taking classes online, and my husband was going to be leaving on a deployment shortly after the first of the year. It was way earlier than either of us had expected to be trying to conceive, but it felt right. When I told my boss I was going to be quitting in January, I didn't give them the full explanation. I was hoping I would be pregnant by that time and moving back home to spend my pregnancy with family, but I couldn't say something so outrageous. It wasn't actually until the middle of February, a week after my husband left for deployment, that I found out we were expecting.

I did work for two months when I moved back to Cali at the end of my pregnancy to help pay for the nursery, but when I was offered my job again when my son was a few months old, Chris eagerly supported my decision to decline.

I absolutely love being a stay at home mom. I do think it is a lot of work, but its the kind of work that I look forward to doing every day. I try to take an active role as a mother, but that doesn't mean that I am successful all the time.

My personal view on being a mother will always be the same: I knowingly brought a child into this world and since I have the means to stay home, I will raise my child myself. Of course, there are many women out there who are already knee-deep in their careers and want to have a job and kids, and I won't judge them for their decisions. My mother worked my whole life, and besides missing her as a child, I don't think I turned out any differently because of that factor alone. She was an amazing mother, and now as an adult, I can look back and respect her working so hard to support our family.

I choose to be a stay at home mom because it is the best decision for my family. I take online college classes full time, I live six hours away from family, and I am the wife of a military member who spends plenty of time away and makes enough money to allow me to stay home with our son full time. My husband and I made the decision to have a child, and I believe that my calling is to raise our son.

In the future, I will go to work and begin my career, but I don't know when that will be. God has blessed me with an amazing opportunity right now, and I am enjoying (almost) every minute of it! I have built a wonderful bond with my son, but so has my husband, who goes to work every day. Parenting is what you make it.

July Goals

1. Finish one sewing project. I have like 10 projects that need to get done, but I just can't seem to find the time!
2. Try a new lunch recipe. Lunch seems to be the hardest meal for me to eat healthy (or 'whole'), but I've been doing pretty good the past month. I think adding a new healthy recipe would balance out how many salads I have been eating.
3. Drink water with my meal at least 2x a week. I know this sounds a little ridiculous, but I didn't grow up in one of those "you can only have water or milk with your meal" families, so I have always been hooked on soda and juice. As a result, I'm a 'water snob' and can only drink certain types of water and at certain times (i.e. not with a meal). I just need to suck it up.
4. Declutter. Moving day is inching closer, and getting rid of clutter is the first step towards packing.
5. Consignment stores. Speaking of moving day, consignment stores and Goodwill are the second steps to packing.

1. Finish my planner. I found a binder at none other than Target!

2. Juice once a week. Success!

3. Make meal planning more of an effort. Success. I cheated a little because I've been going grocery shopping about every 3 days instead of once a week, but I still stuck to my plans.

4. Drink more water. Mostly a success, since drinking a glass of water is good for what I usually drink but not good enough in general.

5. Enjoy my last summer in San Diego. I guess I should have put this in July's goals since summer didn't actually start until June 20, but it has felt like summer since like March. I'm still calling this a success since my mom and I got out of the house almost every day during her visit, and we have lots of plans for July. Caden *hates* the beach, so we won't be enjoying our last summer in San Diego in the typical way!